Srimati Lal - by Kumkum Jain

I REMEMBER THE FIRST SIGHT AND SOUND OF SRIMATI VIVIDLY :: SHE WAS FRAMED IN THE WINDOW OF HER BEDROOM, HER FACE IN SHADOW..... EYES GLINTING WITH THAT HALF-BORED COMEONWITHIT LOOK THAT SHE DOES SO WELL. I WAS NOT GOING TO SEE HER ANYWAY == HER FATHER WAS CLIMBING THE STAIRCASE IN FRONT OF ME AND WE WERE ALL MEETING FOR THE WEEKLY WRITERS WORKSHOP, WHICH COULD BE CALLED A SALON FOR DESI POETS. PROFESSOR LAL WAS A STRANGE FIGURE IN CALCUTTA ;;;; HE COULD NOT BE IGNORED BECAUSE HE HAD MARRIED A BRAHMO.. .. ..AND HE COULD NOT BE ACCEPTED BECAUSE HE WAS PUNJABI. IN ADDITION TO THIS HE HAD LOADS OF SEXAPPEAL,AND ALL THE BRAHMOS WERE MISSING RABINDRANATH TAGORE AFTER BEING SO NASTY TO HIM IN HIS LIFETIME. THE SOUTH HAD THEIR OWN J.KRISHNAMURTHY, WHO HAVE WE GOT? ASKED THE BRAHMOS }}}} AND THE ANSWER WAS NOT NIRAD CHOWDHURY. THE STRUGGLE FOR INDEPENDENCE HAD DONE AWAY WITH THE REALLY GORGEOUS MEN . . . JEALOUS BRITS HAD SHOT THE ONES WHO WERE STILL STANDING AFTER THE BENGALIS HAD SHOT THEMSELVES. SO! P LAL AS HE WAS KNOWN, WAS QUITE A FIGURE TO LOOK AT, TO BE WITH AND TO VISIT ////// THE HOUSE WAS A BOOK CAVE;;;;; NOT IN THE MASCULINE BROWN-MAROON STUDY OF THE ENGLISH RAJAS, BUT WITH THE SOFT MALLEABLE TEXTILE+PAPER FEEL OF A PERSON WHO LIVES DREAMS LOVES HATES AND MAKES THEM.
I MET HIS WIFE TOO, BUT SHE WAS TOO CONVENTIONAL TO REMEMBER : BESIDES I MYSELF WAS NEITHER BRAHMIN NOR WELCOME, JUDGING BY THE LOOK IN HER EYES. SHE WAS PROBABLY CURSING ALL VISITORS, ESPECIALLY GOODLOOKING GIRL TYPE VISITORS \\\\\\ AND I HAD ENOUGH CURSING SOUNDS TO LISTEN TO ALREADY .. .. .. SO WE IGNORED EACH OTHER. SRIMATI DID NOT JOIN US THEN, BUT THE NEXT TIME I WENT SHE WAS IN HER EXTROVERTED MOOD + WE HAD OUR FIRST INTERACTION.
SHE WAS CLEARLY A SCHOOLGIRL WHO HAD TURNED WOMAN TOO SOON||||| KEEPING HER MIND OCCUPIED WITH THE PASTIMES OF CHASTE POSTPUBERTALS WAS CLEARLY NOT HER CUP OF WINE. ALTHOUGH SHE CONTINUOUSLY CRUISED YOU WITH HER EYES, YOU COULD TELL THAT THERE WAS A MIND FILING AWAY SENSATIONS AND SENSORY NOTATIONS .. .. .. .. .. EVEN TODAY, TWENTY YEARS LATER SHE STILL HAS THAT SAME LOOK, THOUGH THE MIND HAS TAKEN THE FORMAT OF A BALANCE-SHEET INSTEAD OF A LETTERHEAD. THIS BALANCESHEET FORMAT IS WHAT KEEPS SRIMATI FOCUSSED <<<<< ON WHAT?? I CAN HEAR HER FRIENDS SAY. SRI IS THE MOST UNFOCUSSED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET! SHE IS ALL OVER THE PLACE ATTENTIONWISE, SHE NEVER LISTENS TO YOUR WORDS, YOU CAN SEE SHE IS CONSTANTLY THINKING THOUGHTS OF HER OWN, AND SHE DOES FAR TOO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS ARTWISE, TO BE CALLED FOCCUSSED.
ALL I CAN SAY IS WATCH AND SEE, SHE WILL PREVAIL . . . AND WHO SAYS ART IS AN ENGINEERING DEGREE?? ONE CAN BE FOCUSSED INTERNALLY TO ONES GOAL;;;;;;; IN ART, DIRECTIONS DETOUR CONTINUOUSLY ALL THE TIME, ONE HAS TO WIND ONES WAY THROUGH A MINEFIELD OF INFLUENCES AND EXPERIENCES,,,,,,, SOMEHOW COAGULATE ONES EMOTIONS TO A PIECE OF PAPER OR WOOD OR STONE OR JUST A PIECE OF SHIT! SRI IS ONE OF THE MOST FOCUSSED PERSONS I HAVE MET ,,,,, ITS JUST THAT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT SHE IS FOCUSSING ON.
SRI HAS SOUL, AND WHEN I SAY SOUL , I DO NOT MEAN THE BLUES OR INDIGO-PURPLE VARIETY. SOMETHING DRIVES HER CRAZY ALL THE TIME AND SHE HAS BEEN SPOILT ROTTEN BY THE PEOPLE AROUND HER, INCLUDING ME. WHEN SOMETHING IS ALWAYS
ITCHING OR HURTING OR ATTRACTING OR JUST MAKING ITSELF FELT, HOW DO YOU EXPECT SOMEONE TO REACT? CERTAINLY SRI IS NOT THE TYPE TO RETIRE TO THE HIMALAYAS AND MEDITATE.
BEING EDUCATED AS A BRAHMO IN BRAHMOLAND , BY THE CATHOLIC NUNS OF THE MOTHER TERESA VARIETY SEEMS TO HAVE GIVEN HER THE EXTRA MOMENTUM TO
SHOOT OUT OF ORBIT AND LAND IN NEWYORK. NOW WHERE THERE IS SRI, THERE ARE MEN AND BOYS BY THE QUEUE, OR SHOULD I SAY BUSLOAD. LOOK AT HER, SHE IS NOT THE EASYTYPE AT ALL;;;;;; SO IT CANNOT BE JUST THE SEX, CAN IT???? BOREDOM IS WHAT KEEPS AN ARTIST LIKE HER GOING GOING GOING '''''''''' NO ONE CAN HOLD HER ATTENTION, NOT EVEN GILTRIDDEN NEWYORK TYPES. DRAMA! THERE MUST BE SOME DRAMA, OR ELSE HOW CAN SHE DIGEST HER BREAKFAST? SRI WITHOUT DRAMA IS SICK INDEED. LIVING AS SHE DOES FOR BEAUTY ( AS SHE SAYS) SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE HAS TO NOW CONVERT TO MISSIONARY MODE, IF ONLY TO CHANGE FORM WITHOUT TRANSFORMATION.
SRI WAS PRIVILEGED TO HAVE A CHILDHOOD WHERE A COSMOPOLITAN ATMOSPHERE PREVAILED '''''''' THE THING WITH BRAHMOS IS THAT THEY ARE NARCISSISTIC, AND CANNOT STOMACH WHITE PEOPLES SUPREMACY. THEY THEMSELVES ARE SMART ENOUGH TO HAVE IMBIBED THE LANGUAGE OF THE OPPRESSORS, BUT THEY KNEW (BY BEING BORN!) THAT PARTICULAR LANGUAGE ANYWAY \\\\\\\\ WHAT CAN THE BRITS (OR AMERICANS OR AUSTRALIANS OR EUROPEANS) TEACH THEM NOW?? AESTHETICALLY , BRAHMOS HAVE THEIR OWN SENSE OF BEAUTY == IT EXPANDS PAST THE FRAME INTO YOUR EYES AND OVERFLOWS OVER OVER OVER DOWN PAST THE CARPET INTO THE HALLWAY ;;; PERHAPS THE BEST EXAMPLE OF IT IS VISIBLE IN SOME SATYAJITRAY FILMS. YOU HAVE ONLY TO SEE RABINDRANATH IN SANTINIKETAN TO KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. SRI HAD A FATHER WHO WAS SMITTEN BY THIS AESTHETIC (PERHAPS HE FELL IN LOVE WITH RABINDRANATH?) AND SRI IMBIBED IT THROUGH HER CALCUTTA ATMOSPHERE. SHE STARTED WRITING AND DRAWING AT AN EARLY AGE ,,,,, PROBABLY EVEN BEFORE SHE COULD TALK! AND SHE WAS SPARED THE NITTYGRITTIES OF RUNNING THE HOUSEHOLD AS THERE WERE OTHERS TO DO IT; SHE HAS AN ELDER BROTHER WHO I NEVER MET, BUT YOU CAN BET HE IS OVERWHELMED BY HER ;;; ALL HER FAMILY-MEMBERS WATCH HER OUT OF THE CORNERS OF THEIR EYES, BUT WHY AM I DESCRIBING SOMETHING SO FAMILIAR TO MYSELF?? COME AND WITNESS IT FOR YOURSELF == IT IS AS THOUGH SOME UFO
HAS LANDED AND THIS APSARA HAS TAKEN OVER. IN SRIS CASE SHE IS A CREATURE OF MOONLIGHT::: ALL THOSE SHE ATTRACTS VANISH BY SUNRISE. HER BACKGROUND INFLUENCED HER STRONGLY TOWARDS THE WORSHIP OF SHAKTI <<<<< TO SAY THAT ALL POWER IS FEMALE IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT WHERE SHE COMES FROM. OFCOURSE!!! I CAN HEAR HER EXCLAIM.. .. .. DO YOU HAVE TO STATE THE OBVIOUS??? SRI HAS A NUMBER OF CELEBRITY COUSINS WHO ARE ALL OVERACHEIVERS IN THE ARTS +CINEMA :: NO WONDER SHE IS ALWAYS COMPETING, ALWAYS SEPARATE, ALWAYS BORROWING TRICKS+SCORES FROM THEM IN AN INVISIBLE SORT OF WAY, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. IN THIS SENSE ONE CAN SAY THAT SRI HAS A READYMADE AUDIENCE ||||| ACTUALLY I WOULD SAY THAT THE FIRST THREE FRONTROW SEATS ARE PERMANENTLY OCCUPIED WHERE SHE IS CONCERNED .. .. .. .. AND ALL THOSE IN THEIR SEATS BELONG TO UPPERCLASS SOCIETY. SRI HAS A SPECIAL CORNER FOR GIFTED SKILLED PERFORMERS, BUT THEN SHE ASSUMES THE CAPE OF AGENT AND TRIES TO TAKE THEM
ONTO HER MAGIC CARPET WHICH YOU CAN BE SURE WILL LEAD TO THE CORRIDORS OF POWER. YOU MUST EXPECT SRI TO KNOW MORE THAN YOU ABOUT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK ;;;; IN HER MIND RELATIONSHIPS WORK ALL BY THEMSELVES,,,,,, ALL ONE CAN DO IS STEER THEM THIS WAY TODAY OR THATAWAY TOMORROW BUT THEY HAVE A RHYTHM OF THEIR OWN WHICH WILL THROW YOU TO THE TIDAL WAVE ANYWAY. THEN YOU MAY LAND UP ON THE HIROSHIMA SEASHORE AND NO POINT WEEPING+WAILING. IN THIS SENSE SHE IS A CREATURE OF ACTION ,,,,,,, BUT SOME OF US KNOW HER DARKNESS AND HIBERNATION TOO. SRI STANDS ALONE EVENTUALLY, THOUGH SHE MUST MIX AND FIX AND MATE AND MEET ALL SORTS OF CREATURES CONSTANTLY .. .. .. .. I THINK IT IS BOREDOM THAT DRIVES HER AWAY , DRIVES HER TOWARDS, DRIVES HER AWAY.
HER WORK CHANGES WITH THE WANING OF THE MOON {{{{{{{ WHIMSY FLIMSY TREES WITH FEATHERY SOULS HAVE LED TO DARK HEAVY RADIOACTIVE TEXTURED FLESH . . . SHE IS EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO PLAY WITH FIRE, GET BURNT AND PLAY AGAIN
++++ AND SHE DOES, SHE DOES, SHE DOES. STILL PLAYING, STILL EXPERIMENTING, SHE CHALLENGES THE FORCES OF NATURE TO THROW HER UP, THROW HER OUT OF THIS WORLD INTO THE NEXT .. .. .. .. BUT SHE CANNOT STOP HER FEET FROM BEING CHAINED TO A ROCK, THE FIRM ROCK OF HER CHILDHOOD,BACKGROUND,STATUS. JUMP,SRI ! JUMP! IS ALL I CAN SAY, BUT THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, WRAPPING HERSELF IN FINE FEATHERS AND JEWELS, HUMMING A HUM THAT ONLY SHE CAN HEAR, PUTTING ON THIS NECKLACE THAT EARRING THIS KAAJAL THAT WEAVING . ... SHE IS VERY TAKENUP WITH THE FORMS OF THE WORLD THAT SURROUND HER RIGHT NOW.
WHAT CAN ONE SAY TO HER ABOUT MEN? SHE KNOWS ALL THAT CAN BE KNOWN ABOUT THIS RACE OF HORSE AND NO POINT DISCUSSING IT. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT SRI WILL WIN THE FINAL BATTLE == AND DID ANYONE SAY FOUL????
CARRY ON SRI, CARRYFORWARD AND BACKWARD AND REWIND BACK TO YOUR NESTCAVE IN LAKE GARDENS CALCUTTA WHERE THE SPIRITS OF SEVEN GENERATIONS AWAIT YOUR TRANSFORMATION SO THAT THEY MAY IMPART TO YOU THEIR WISDOM THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS OF.